Used and abused

Today I sold something on craigslist during a particularly crazy moment where I was cooking, holding babies, unloading furniture and selling a certain random guy a bed. . . In the frantic moment I added wrong (giving him a $100 off our agreed upon price). I didn't catch my mistake before he left, but he knew and has not responded to my text or messages pleading for the needed funds.

I felt totally jittery about the situation and dissappointed and amazed with dishonest people and frustrated and worried about the world I was raising my babies. The money obviously was a sad thing to lose out on but $100 isn't the end of the world and so I wasn't sure why I was feeling so frustrated with his dishonesty. So I turned to the scriptures and I was reading 1 Nephi chapter 19

7 For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say, trample under their feet but I would speak in other words they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.

8 And behold he cometh, according to the words of the angel, in six hundred years from the time my father left Jerusalem.

9 And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men.

It is amazing what Christ endured. When I think of it I feel very humbled. I sit here feeling violated over something so trivial and he suffered innumerable emotional, physical and verbal threats and was violated in almost every way . . . that was in his personal life, not counting the pain he felt for us with his atoning sacrifice in Gethsemene. What a man, what a sacrifice, what an inspiration.

1 Nephi chapter 5

Wherefore, the things which are pleasing unto the world I do not write, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world.

6 Wherefore, I shall give commandment unto my seed, that they shall not occupy these plates with things which are not of worth unto the children of men.

THis first verse makes me think about what I write on my blog. I want my children and grandchildren to know me, but maybe I should be my best me and write about more spiritual things close to my heart.

Taking offense

Lately I have struggled with taking offense, likely when absolutely no offense was meant. I find myself recycling these thoughts over and over and then I'll pray or read scriptures and be done with it and then maybe something else small will happen or something will spur those feelings of insecurity again. I know better, from the bottom of my heart I know they probably don't mean anything by it but having had an insane amount of positive affirmation in my life I don't deal well with anything that is not praise apparently.

I was searching the scriptures and really didn't even know where to start . . this time on my little journey for peace (Which by the way, I'm actually glad when little things like this happen and send me straight to my knees). I decided to go to lds.org and did a search on "offense." I read this article by David Bednar. This talk brings me self reflection and peace.

I particularly love this paragraph

In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation.

WE choose, WE get offended, WE feel angry, WE CHOOSE!!!!

Another paragraph I just love!!!

During a perilous period of war, an exchange of letters occurred between Moroni, the captain of the Nephite armies, and Pahoran, the chief judge and governor of the land. Moroni, whose army was suffering because of inadequate support from the government, wrote to Pahoran “by the way of condemnation” (Alma 60:2) and harshly accused him of thoughtlessness, slothfulness, and neglect. Pahoran might easily have resented Moroni and his message, but he chose not to take offense. Pahoran responded compassionately and described a rebellion against the government about which Moroni was not aware. And then he responded, “Behold, I say unto you, Moroni, that I do not joy in your great afflictions, yea, it grieves my soul. … And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart” (Alma 61:2, 9).

One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended—and to say with Pahoran, “it mattereth not.”

It mattereth not!!! What beautiful words. Oh, that I will be that strong some day. I also LOVE this example becasue it is proof to me that we DO NOT know the circumstances of others, what might make them act a certain way, etc. I like to think that most people are good, kind people who want happiness for others, but we all have STUFF going on and are shaped by circumstances and time. We are not perfect and we are not all knowing, we need to love an accept people knowing that we don't know what they are feeling or struggling with.

Last night we were reading about Christ dying on the cross for scripture study and Christ said, "forgive them for they know not what they do." The empathy and love of the Savior. . . . Truly the best example.

I must admit that I am falling quite in love with the Book of Mormon lately. My former favorite was the New Testament learning from the Savior's life is so incredible. I must say though- without question the Book of Mormon is the WORD OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anti-Nephi-Lehi's

I'm slacking already, but loved teaching last week about the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's in CTR 5 last week. I knew they had buried their weapons of war after they made a covenant, but when reading this story again I understood it that they buried their weapons knowing the Lamanites were coming to kill them. I don't know that I would be so brave.

You look at the apostle Peter and even he denied Christ "thrice," it would be very difficult to stand for your covenants facing death. I wonder how I would handle it. I don't think I will ever really be face with the prospect, however I make smaller choices each day that impact my spirituality immensely - do I rise to the occasion?

Looking for Peace

I am LOVING this blogging about the spiritual. In my little scripture studying today I decided to focus on peace.

At girls camp, as usual I ran my mouth too much. I never mean to offend, but I put one sweet girl on the defensive. I have apologized a few times now, but she doesn't really acknowledge me any more. It has gotten me down a little bit as people usually like me and so I don't really know how to handle it when they don't. I really tried hard and failed I am afraid. It's been hard accepting it, but prayer and this scripture study has helped.

Just thumbing through scripture index, I noticed these

1 Nephi 14:7 the Lord will convince men unto peace or deliver them to the hardness of their hearts

1 Nephi 20:22 there is no peace unto the wicked

2 Nephi 4:27 why should I yield to temptation, that evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace.

Bottom line: Peace comes from God

When you recognize that peace can come from no other source, it is soooo much easier to turn problems, self doubt, pain over to God - not to hold onto it!!! The adversary is real. . when I recognize my feelings were from him not from God, it makes it easier to let them slide away.

Scriptures rock! Prayer is a lifeline.

Day One 2 Nephi 9

Our Stake President made reference to 2 Nephi chapter 9 in his talk up at girls camp. I tried reading this a few times before bed . . not exactly light reading. So I tried again today with a pen and paper, highlighter and AWAKE. Loving it. . .

Notes:

2 Nephi 9:3 Behold, my beloved brethren, I speak unto you these things that ye may rejoice, and ^alift up your heads forever, because of the blessings which the Lord God shall bestow upon your children.

I loved this verse. My family has been so political lately. Worrying like crazy that Obama's crazy money spending "will make life for our children and their children" really difficult. To be honest, I've been paying a little more attention to it all, but it is so depressing. I loved this verse because it talked about rejoicing for the blessings God will bestow on our children. God wants us to be happy, he wants us to be blessed. . . the good news through Christ's atonement: RESURRECTION, ETERNAL LIFE, JOY!!!!! . .

Side notes:

- After the fall of Adam we were cut off from the presence of the Lord

- through Christ's infinite atonement we overcome temporal death (spiritual and physical death).

- without our bodies, spirits become subject to the devil

- God must deliver up righteous spirits, hell delivers captive spirits, grave yields up body

- Resurrection - body and spirit become incorruptible & immortal, will have perfect knowledge or guilt, righteous will have perfect knowledge of their enjoyment.

- Judgement - by holy judgement of God. righteous shall be righteous still, filthy shall be filthy still

- Judgement day - Commandeth all men that they must repent, be baptized in his name, perfect faith in the Holy One, or cannot be saved in the kingdom of God.

-- atonement satisfieth the demands of his justice upon those who were not given to his commandments - wo unto him that has the law given & transgresseth them.